My name is Marci Crawford, and just in case we are in the same boat... I wanted to share my story with you. Maybe it will help give you some encouragement...
A part of my heart will always remain in Guatemala. Some may say that going to a country twice is not spreading the Gospel, but I disagree... you see... once you have been captured by the extreme poverty and literal trash that encompasses little Julio's and Patty's lives... your heart will weep with desire to help in any way you can. That is where my story begins...
I was coming up on what I hoped was my second trip to Guatemala. I remembered the previous year and could recall all of the sweet faces so clearly. The work we had done while we were there was still fresh in my mind. Work that was SO challenging (probably the hardest work I had ever done) and yet by far... the most gratifying! I just HAD to go back. I knew in the depths of my heart that I was supposed to go back!
But... unfortunately as the trip approached, I didn't have the money and my life at home had suffered some changes and turmoil that left me wondering if I really should even try and go. So... I prayed about it and after a few day, I decided to send out two Support Letters to two people that I felt definitely had the means to assist me financially. To simplify the story - I will just say that in the end - I received very little monies from these people. It came to the deadline where the tickets were being purchased and I still hadn't met the financial goal that I needed. What else could I do? I prayed... and prayed. I couldn't understand why I felt deep in my heart that I was intended to go, yet my financial needs hadn't been met.The day came when the tickets were purchased and I was not a ticket holder. I was so thrown off by this. WHY?? I prayed that God would let me be ok with this... that He would give me peace about it. "I will go next year" I told myself. But as I prayed - no peace came. And then... when I prayed I still found myself questioning why I was in such turmoil over this. I remember going to one of the last meetings ( about 2 or 3 weeks prior to leaving) and I asked the team leader if I could go to the airport to see the team off. Was I crazy? I was trying to hold on with ever ounce of energy! I really need to STOP! ... accept things and move on! I needed to pray harder... and I did. I prayed and prayed.
Within a few days I got a phone call from the team leader. He explained to me that one of the team members had something come up and they couldn't make the trip. He said there was an open spot on the team and he proceeded to ask if I would fill the spot. You can't imagine how I felt at that very moment! Tears spilled out of my eyes as I listened to him explain everything to me. As I felt the awful pang of hearing that one of the team members was out and not able to make it, I couldn't help but feel as though everything in my world started making sense.
God knew I was going all along. He had plenty of opportunities to let me know a lot earlier that I was going, but as I looked back over the preparation for the trip - I believe that He was teaching me something very important... IN HIS TIME.
If we feel something deep inside us telling us to do something, or nudging us to "go"... I can tell you that it very well could be The Holy Spirit (God). I know it was for me! Don't ignore it or try and manipulate it to suit your logic or needs, just trust in it. Trust in God.
We all want to hear from God and if we listen closely enough... we will. :)
Serving Him...